I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
