Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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