i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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