every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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