That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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