Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
