I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
