I'm so fucking centered right now
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize