this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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