This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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