Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
