I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize