do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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