I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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