have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
