yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
