I CAN MOONWALK!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
