you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
