Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
