did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
