If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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