I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize