i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
