You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
