theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You pole danced in your parka.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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