my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My vagina is very pro this idea
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
