nutella sex= disaster
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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