Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
