Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
