I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
