The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
