He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
