I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
