I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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