every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
