i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize