Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize