my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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