She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
