i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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