I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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