I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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