walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
