some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
