If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish i was in the wii world.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
