We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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