my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
only if we run a train.
done.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
