just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
