I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
