At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
