my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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