Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
