Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
