Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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