im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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