He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize