At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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