I cut my penus on the lid.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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