He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
