Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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