Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
