The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And then my night got REAL pukey
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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