I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
