the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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