omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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