This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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