Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
