No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
